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When you become a parent, something weird happens to you and your liberal carefree attitude. Once upon a time, before kids entered into our existence, we were all like, “strangers are just friends we haven’t made yet.” It’s the best outlook to have. But this all changed and now we’re the kind of people who have no issue shouting, “get away from my child! Don’t make me get the taser out. I’ll get the taser out.”

It’s bizarre. It really is. It’s almost as if you go to bed one night and suddenly wake up with a terrifying fear of everything. Absolutely everything. That’s what’s happened to us and our kids anyway, and all those hilarious Insta-dads you need to be following, even if just to know you’re not alone.

The point is, we feel vulnerable all the time. We’re also pretty sure we’re not alone, nor do we want other parents to feel like they are. That’s why we made a list of all our over-the-top fears. Hopefully they will help you feel less insane. Or maybe they will make us seem more insane. Whatever the case, here they are:

  1. Discovering an allergy.
  2. Baby accidentally eating a nut.
  3. Baby eating a houseplant we didn’t know was poisonous.
  4. Child getting injured from a fall at a soft play center.
  5. Child getting injured from a fall anywhere.
  6. Driving in the rain.
  7. Driving in the snow.
  8. Driving in the wind.
  9. Driving on the highway.
  10. Driving in a town.
  11. Okay, just driving in general.
  12. Getting on the subway and the doors closing on the pram.
  13. Getting stuck in a lift with baby.
  14. The sun burning baby’s skin.
  15. Worried they’re not drinking enough water.
  16. Worried they’re not eating enough food.
  17. Tripping up the stairs while carrying baby in our arms.
  18. Tumbling down the stairs.
  19. Tripping up on my undone laces (it’s slip-ons only right now).
  20. Child hearing curse words on the television.
  21. Spotify not playing the radio edit of certain rap songs.
  22. Leaving the back door unlocked at night.
  23. Injuring a limb while trying to get them dressed.
  24. Letting baby feed herself when the time comes.
  25. Worrying the time will never come and they’ll be on baby food forever.
  26. Accidentally clipping their finger when trying to do their nails.
  27. Forgetting to take the baby monitor when we go away for a weekend.
  28. People walking too closely behind us.
  29. Life.

It’s so intense. It’s madness. It’s all things you never think about before and then can’t stop thinking about afterwards. But it’s also not a bad thing. Worrying to this level may not be good for you, but it does show how much you care about your little bundle of joy. It’s also part of bringing up a baby-slash-child. Anyway, the best thing you can do to get a grapple on your nerves is sleep as much as possible, eat healthy foods, take deep breaths, stretch out every hour and do some yoga or something. It will help. Trust us on that. It really, really will.

Welcome to life as a parent.

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