Ayesha Curry expressed on Red Table Talk that she wished she received more male attention because it would let her know that she’s still desirable…and I get it.

As you can imagine, social media is in a frenzy talking about how she doesn’t view marriage as sacred because she’s seeking male attention and that she’s focused on the wrong things and blah, blah, blah. However, I get what she is saying. She’s a young woman who’s had three children and is married to a man who can have any woman he wants. She feels insecure.

First of all, pregnancy, giving birth and watching your body change can cause any woman to have insecurities. After each of my deliveries, my face broke out with horrible acne. My hair fell out because of hormone changes. I had no edges for months. My stomach was huge and flabby (still is). I have a C-section scar, and my breasts were constantly leaking milk. After breastfeeding my daughter for two years, of course my breasts are not sitting up on my chest like they used to. When I look at my breasts and body compared to younger women or women in better shape, like Ayesha Curry, I feel insecure. I wrote about my anxiety reentering the dating scene after the death of my husband with stretch marks and a C-section scar. It can be scary. And we live in the Instagram age. We are constantly bombarded with images of women with perfect bodies, makeup and hair. I don’t knock Ayesha Curry for feeling insecure at all because insecurities happen to the best of us. Ayesha is also married to a man who can literally have any woman he wants because of money and social status. If you don’t keep the right perspective about yourself, marriage and relationships, that is enough to make anyone feel like they’re not enough.

Yes I know it’s problematic for her to say that if she received more male attention from men who are not her husband, she’d feel better about herself. It’s a problem because she’s making male affirmation the center of her focus when it comes to her self-esteem and sense of worth. However, who doesn’t feel better when you receive compliments after giving birth or gaining weight? I remember joking with my husband about the compliments and free items I received from men in a restaurant when I was eight months pregnant with our son. I bragged that I still had “it.” I can remember another occasion when I was in my 30s and pushing my son in a stroller on the campus of University of Maryland. A young man still tried to holler despite me pushing a stroller. I felt good about myself. I was a 30-something year old mama, and men still found me desirable. My fiancé says he doesn’t mind when men check me out when we’re in public. He said it makes him feel good because I chose him. However, after years of “doing the work,” I know my worth and value don’t revolve around men and my desirability to them or my physical appearance. This took years though. Ayesha will get there too.

Discovering or rediscovering your worth and value after major life changes isn’t easy. Ayesha Curry is still a young woman coming into her own. If we were honest, many of us struggle with her same insecurities. However, give her time. Walking in your authentic self and being confident in who you are takes time.