Picture – CC0 License

When you start dating and it turns into a loving relationship, it’s unlike anything else, but when a relationship goes south, there are a multitude of reasons why. From the perspective of any loving partnership, sometimes it can be the fault of the man. Of course, both sides are to blame; however, it seems that there can be times when the male part of the equation is more able to emotionally cut themselves off. There are many men who never emotionally invest themselves into a relationship, and this is what we’re going to focus on here. Why are men not always emotionally invested in a relationship? Here’s a number of key reasons why.

The Preference of Convenience

Convenience is something that we all strive for in a relationship, and some men prefer the convenience of having a partner without the emotional investment in the vulnerability of a real relationship. This is particularly notable in terms of sex and domestic support. Men can use relationships as a way to avoid loneliness, rather than learning the art of vulnerability to create a connection. In terms of sex, there is a mismatch between emotional and physical connection. Men can easily find themselves going to get meaningful sex in so many different ways, whether this is a one-night stand, a brothel at 181 Smithfield, or opting for the friends-with-benefits approach. Men don’t want to admit to loneliness and therefore can use sex and other approaches to relationships as a way to avoid connecting.

Men Can View Partners Differently

Some men can have difficulty viewing women or partners as full people with their own dreams, goals, and opinions. These people have more difficulty forming genuine emotional connections because of the old-fashioned approach to either a family unit or a relationship in general, and these people can view women more as objects rather than partners. It’s something we can see from a mile off; those “trophy” wives and girlfriends. 

However, these men have major difficulty in forming genuine emotional connections because they’ve never needed to create something that positions themselves as vulnerable. There are many men of a certain age who are struggling with the notion of masculinity because they are being pulled between the past and the present. Lots of men in their 40s can find themselves feeling that they’re not living up to certain standards, and this can partly be due to the old-fashioned male approach. Men “should” go out and work, and women should be at home. The problem is that right now we’re in this major change where roles are being reversed, and lots of men can find themselves being emasculated, psychologically speaking.

A Lack of Vulnerability

There are many men who don’t just struggle to open up, but they pull away if a relationship gets too emotionally intense. There could be many reasons for this. Typically, we as humans can have that once-bitten, twice-shy approach to life, and therefore, with regards to men who struggle to build any sense of emotional intimacy with that all-important first step that they call vulnerability, will naturally pull away if a relationship becomes too much. 

This, again, is partly due to the fact that some men are not meant to show emotions, at least that’s what they think. Vulnerability is often considered a superpower, but it seems that men definitely learn this the hard way. This is partly because of what men are supposed to do, rather than what the potential can be emotionally and psychologically. When we are emotionally vulnerable, this can provide that initial shock and discomfort, but it results in a far more satisfying long-term relationship. A lot of people don’t want to lower their screen, psychologically speaking, because of the worry that what’s behind the screen will turn the other partner away. This can partly be due to that sense of viewing vulnerability as a weakness, but if you want to be vulnerable, you can then deliver a far more genuine version of yourself.

A Lack of Sex

While it can be easy to say that men are only after one thing, we have to remember that sex helps to foster emotional bonding and trust in relationships for both men and women. Men who have sex less frequently can find it harder to feel emotionally close. Many men can find themselves trying to separate their mind from their body during this stage, but again, it’s about that willingness to be vulnerable in such an intimate situation. Sex is something that builds relationship bonds, but also the release of oxytocin, the love hormone, can stimulate this in so many amazing ways.

Unrealistic Expectations About What They “Deserve”

Men can separate the heads from the hearts far more easily than women. Some men can have very unrealistic perceptions about what they think they deserve in a partner, and this is often based on physical appearance alone. Some men can resent their actual partners and not invest emotionally because they think they deserve some type of trophy wife or partner. 

Some men can find themselves trying to turn their partner into something that suits their ideal woman, but this can all go down the very slippery slope of emotional abuse and should not be tolerated in any way. Many men feel that they deserve something better; however, this is a very entitled behavior that should not ever warrant an equal and loving relationship.

The fact is that many men can be distant, reserved, or aloof and struggle to be emotionally vulnerable and pull away when the relationship becomes too intense, creating a lack of intimacy but also preventing the development of deeper trust and commitment between partners, resulting in the relationship feeling unfulfilling. However, this doesn’t mean it’s the end of the line. 

The reality is that men need to develop a deeper emotional investment in their relationships, and this is all down to open communication, learning how to be vulnerable, and seeing the partner as a full person. It is an easy get-out clause for men to not be emotionally invested in a relationship; however, it can take time to build trust, and of course, there’s a number of psychological reasons behind this, consciously and subconsciously. If you are a man reading this or a woman where this has hit home, the man in your life doesn’t need to be a Tin Man without a heart!

This is a contributed post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *