You’ve probably been wondering where I’ve been in the last few weeks if you avidly read this blog. Well, it’s been a very trying time to say the least. A week ago, my husband suffered two seizures out of nowhere. The first occurred in the morning while K, my husband and I were lying in bed. I saw my husband convulsing in the corner of my eye. Quickly, I snatched K out of bed, put him on the couch and tried to help my husband. I called 911 and he was taken to the hospital. The second seizure occurred early the next morning after he was released. Again, I saw my husband convulsing and I called 911. This time, my husband was admitted to the hospital. The doctors think a combination of things contributed to the seizures—lack of sleep, stress, poor diet and scar tissue on my husband’s brain from when he was hit by a drunk driver as a teen. We’re meeting with a Neurologist on Friday.
Needless to say, I’m traumatized by the whole event. I can’t shake the images of seeing my husband lose control of his mind and body. My husband can’t remember either one of the seizures. He was unconscious and couldn’t respond to my screams.
Our life as we know it is changing.
My husband cannot drive for 6 months. He cannot be left alone with the baby. Just when we were getting into a groove, this happens. For days, we’ve been wrestling with why this happened. We still don’t have a definitive answer from the doctors or the Lord. We’re both wrestling with fear and anxiety because this happened so unexpectedly. Every day we pray for the strength to make it through the day. However, there are glimmers of hope. Although we are still wondering why, we can already see how God is working this together for our good.
One of the ways I see God working this together for our good is I feel a greater level of intimacy with my husband. I can admit that I had taken my husband for granted—all that he does for us and the man that he is. However, this incident made me realize that I can’t take my husband for granted and that I have to cherish and appreciate him every day of my life. While we were in the hospital, I grabbed a wash cloth and basin and I washed my husband’s body. I even flossed and brushed his teeth. Before we got married, I never imagined doing this for my husband. However, after this incident, I was moved with so much love, compassion and concern for him that I wanted to minister to him in that way. I feel closer to my husband than ever before. This incident has strengthened my marriage.
Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV), “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV), “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Another way I know God is using this incident for our good is it’s forcing us to deal with old demons. I’ve talked about how I wrestle with anxiety and fear before and this situation threw me for a loop because it instilled more fear in me. For the first few nights after the seizures, I couldn’t sleep next to my husband for fear of another seizure. During the first seizure, despite being technically unconscious, my husband grabbed my arm with such force that it frightened me. However, I see now that I cannot allow anxiety and fear to take residence in my spirit. I have to live every day planted firmly on the promises of God. It’s not easy for me, and I’m praying my way through this. Every day I gain more courage, trust and confidence in God’s divine plan for our lives. God has also shown me how He is a very present help in the time of trouble. Every time I called on Him during my weak moments, I’ve felt supernatural power strengthen me to continue pressing forward. God’s demonstrated that He is with me and will never leave nor forsake me. I’m learning things about God that I never knew intimately.
As I said before, it hasn’t been easy. My husband and I pray every day for the strength to get through this illness. God meets us every time and carries us through the day. It still does not yet fully appear what God is doing for us, in us and through us with this illness, but in just a few days, I can see His salvation already. I know that that in itself is a victory. We’ve faced a horrible situation, yet we’re still trusting and believing that God is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him.
If you feel led, please keep our family in your prayers.