Genesis 32:24–26 (NRSV), “Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.”
I’ve said this before, but I am uncomfortable with grief. I do not like the grieving process because it doesn’t follow any set of rules. There is no order. There is no way around it. You just have to go through it. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Some days I feel fine. I feel “normal”. Other days, I’m overcome by sadness, regret, guilt, anger, loneliness, dread, and anxiety. The grieving process is taxing. It takes a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically to grieve. My Type A and controlling personality wants to get over it. However, I know I must go through the process in order to be whole and healed again. I know I have to let the grief do its work in me so that I might become the woman who God desires me to be. It’s a struggle, but I believe that something good will come from this. I’ve already seen how God is using this to stir up my gifts. I feel even more compelled to do what God called me to do. I don’t want to leave this earth without using my gifts and talents to their fullest potential.
I am learning that grief is something we have to wrestle with. We can’t let it go until it blesses us. Just like Jacob wrestled with the man in the text and wouldn’t let go until he blessed him, we have to wrestle with grief. Grief may wound us, inconvenience us, make us uncomfortable or even stop us in our tracks. But, if we are going to get the blessing, we have to grapple with it. We can’t let it go until we get our blessing. What blessing you may ask? Some of the blessings I am receiving are spiritual lessons. I am coming to know God in a way that I’ve never know Him before. I’m learning things about myself. I’m learning about things in me that need to be nourished, trimmed back and even uprooted. There are so many lessons. I’m learning how to slow down and to take it one day at a time. It hurts now. It’s inconvenient now, but there will be tremendous blessings in the long run and I will be a better person because of it.
I know that it’s tempting to want to let grief go right away and move on. However, wrestle with it. Let it do its work in you. The outcome just may be the blessing you’ve been praying for.
Linking up with…